the first of two very necessary posts
I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time now. Before college had even begun, I was planning on writing people letters. I got peoples school addresses so I could send them some loving mail. I had about 20 addresses and I didn’t write a single letter. I bought postcards for people during the postcard sale, some for people back home and some for people at school. I knew what I wanted to say on the postcards, but why didn’t I write them? I only sent out two postcards, both of which were for people ON campus. Why did I do that? I can talk to people on campus every day, but it’s hard to contact people off campus. People love mail and I want them to know I still care about them even though I’m away at school. Why is it that I do nice things for people who are so insignificant that I can do without them but fail to treat those who I cherish with the same intent? Chloe says it’s just the type of person I am, a notable characteristic. I don’t want to waste time making things for people that don’t matter anymore. I should spend more time thinking about those who do matter.
Sometimes it sucks. Making things for people that have little to no significance in your life. Depending on the other person, they may take my kindness the wrong way. It REALLY sucks when the other person is unappreciative. That pisses me off the most. I spend my own free time making or doing something nice for you and you can’t even say “thank you,” really? Go screw yourself. This isn’t about anyone in specific, I’m just ranting. I’ve come across a number of people who haven’t said “thank you” or anything in that nature. They just look at me and take it. That’s what makes me feel sorry for myself for ever thinking about making a nice gesture. A little appreciation can go a long way. Same goes for niceness. But nothing beats being geniune.
This sums up what I’ve been trying to say
733. TOO MUCH TIME IS WASTED ON BEING SHY.
So I try not to be. And yet, it always backfires.
I MISS YOU TUMBLR.
But I have to straighten out my life :(
a few things
a. tumbalrity= 35 LOL. Lets see how low I can get it (Ill be absent for a few days)
b. I FOUND MY PROM DRESS. YESYESYESYESYESYESYES. Ive never worn red before. BUT THIS IS IT. It’s kinda like my moms old wedding dress.(it was red). Holy shit Im excited sfkdjbuhktgjnfkdjnvkrnjg!!!!
c. Today was so so so so nice out. I went out to the boardwalk with Liz and we took photos for her class and it was just generally a great walk.
d. Speaking of walks: 4 miles. SCORE.
Side note: I hate it when I wake up and my hair is like whooshwhooshprettyness and then I wash my face and I look up and my hair is NOT.
Hot Damn. How do I recreate the effect?!?!?
As of right now I have no way to pay for college because my biological father who was supposed to pay my full tuition decided to tell my mom (and me) that he only wants to pay half.
Which, you know, would be understandable had he
a. told us when we were choosing colleges(I wouldve gone to Hunter Honors which is FREE)
b. told me to apply for finanicial aid. oh no. instead he tells me NOT to. “Theres no use, i have a couple hundred scattered throughout banks”
My mom and my step-dad DO NOT HAVE A JOB ATM. It’s been 6 months I think. My step-dad is doing little consulting jobs that pay 1/4 the amount he used to get and require twice the work. My mom just cant find a job.
So now he wants to have ameeting with my mom and Misha(my step-dad, who I call Misha.). He’s never spoken to Misha about me. He’s never reached out to Misha before. So I’m not quite clear as to why he wants to now. Or why he NEEDS to.
But my mom told him off.
FML. I MIGHT NOT GO TO COLLEGE IF THIS ISNT SORTED OUT.
Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML
“ Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you ”
Fuck you supreme court. Fuck you California. Fuck you.